One of the reasons I started this blog is to be my outlet for my frustrations and in a sense be a therapeutic exercise for me rather than mouthing off in Facebook. The good news is that I found more positive things to post in my blog rather than sadder ones and has helped me to look at my everyday experience in a more positive light.
Unfortunately today is not one of those days. I hid this blog to my “FRIENDS”, specifically to 2 people one being “Nancy” whom I have known since gradeschool. We particularly never bonded in our school years, she was in my opinion part of the popular group while I was that weird girl. I dont know how we ended up being close, as we have polar opposites of personalities. In the end I was the submissive one in our friendship.
Lately she has been very proactive about dieting and loosing weight, which is good for her. She has been doing this for her good health and positive reinforcement to her BF. Unfortunately, she LOOOVES to rub it in, her weight loss and how her BF and men around her have been taking notice. Add along our male friend “Chester” who I’m sorry to say, as much as he is good on working out to have a P90X body, he is a total douche and ass and loves picking on me and another friend in our circle who clearly have signs of undiagnosed Aspergers Syndrome.
As they both love to tag team on both the dieting and exercising, I have notice an increased changed on Nancy attitude. She has always been blunt to speak her mind and hates being wrong even when she is wrong. She has been blessed in her life of being financially well off, cute, smart, headstrong, and successful in her career that unfortunately has been feeding her ego. And I’m being more of the “Dramatic” “Miserable” friend of hers, she thinks that the Tough Love version of friendship would boost my motivation to loose weight and be a better person.
Unfortunately, her methods drive the opposite effects. Rubbing in this diet because I HAVE TO LOOSE WEIGHT every single week has starting to be a drab. As some of my readers would notice, I post food finds in this blog. I sometimes post the same pictures in Facebook only for her and Chester dissect the calorie content and say “Hey how much do you weigh now, balance it with veggies”
To be honest, though I admit that I have gained some pounds and a muffin top over the years, I am nowhere close to obese or overweight. I’m still active in walking and I do eat my veggies. I dont pig out on junk food but I have a soft spot for sweets. And though its true that Im slightly unhappy with how my weight is now, I am more unhappy that my so called Friends are driving me to depression with their, “Lose this, eat this, dont do that, why did you post that” And my favorite of all ” The Fatty”
The teasing and pointing out of stuff is not limited only to food and diet. We play an MMORPG game (Online Game) that we all enjoy. I haven’t played in 7 years and so my skills are very rusty. I don’t play everyday either since I restarted weeks ago, so when the time came for us to play as a group, I failed miserably at my point and click skills.
To which Nancy asked “Are you really a gamer?” Feeling that she was about to unleash a “why you suck” list, I quickly ended the conversation. She had been on my back for a while for one thing to another. And I really was in no mood to hear her “Tough Love” approach.
If I also forget to mention, I remember one time she says she prefers ” Honest friends to tell her personally if she’s crossing the line.” Unfortunately ‘ a trap. She does not take criticisms well, work or personal wise and when attempted to be honest with her, she will throw back that ball right into your face. And sure enough after I ended the conversation, she went to the Facebook groups and pretty much said that “Misery Loves Company” along with the lines that ” Excuse me. FYI. If you guys are looking for comfort from me for bad gaming and/or advise… please don’t.”
Chester is also not faring well with me. Nancy keeps asking, why wont I try out Chester’s workout and diet regime. maybe I don’t follow his super effective regimen because I dont take advise from people who bully other people. No matter how good he is in giving me an exercise program, I don’t need his help. Just tonight after one of our friends says he is leaving for church, he decided to throw a religious pun about converting to another religion (one I wont name). Chester is an atheist, and the type who brings out his debate guns on the mere mention of the word God. To be honest I feel scared for our friend who may have an undiagnosed Aspergers problem, as he confided in me that he is showing signs of serious depression. He is sensitive and tends to push himself to much and It feels awful that 2 of my adult friends show him such spite rather than understanding.
I have heard reasons why Nancy claims that she is more robust in her demeanor, and admittedly mean. She claims she feels bullied at work and find empowerment at how she acts. Though I believe a bit of a bitch attitude is good sometimes for the soul, it should not cost you being the bully yourself. Of course pointing this out to her would be so horrible, because surely, I’m mistaken and I’m overreacting.
If there is some small glimmer of moral happiness from this experience is that I would not like to be like them. No matter how sadly flawed I am now, I would not like to make another person feel the way I feel when I interact with them. The fact I have to hide my Facebook posts, my blogs, my photos that I like to share with my more appreciative friends has given me this sense of apprehension and added insecurities. Many would ask why I still stick with them even though they are also the type to abandon me? becuase I have a bigger heart than most. I love Nancy for all her flaws and quirks but would stay away if need be to shiled myself. She still has redeeming qualities of a friend and I blame myself for spoiling her the way I did all these years.
Chester…..well…I dunno, he’s nice and streetwise when needed, and I’ll leave it at that. He’s Nancy’s tag team so they are two peas in a pod.
For now I feel slightly better after posting this. Thank for those who have listened 🙂